Lindsay Lohan Front Runner For Lead Of "Dallas"

Reports have confirmed that Lindsay Lohan is the front runner to play the sexy Lucy Ewing Cooper (Poison Dwarf) in the highly anticipated movie version of Dallas, which was a popular 80's soap.

Charlene Tilton, who use to play the role, said: "I think it's a great choice." Jennifer Lopez is going to play alcoholic Sue Ellen in the movie and John Travolta is rumored to star as her husband JR Ewing. Luke Wilson and Shirly MacLaine are also expected to star in the movie.

Listen. I have no idea what this show even is, but rumors of the cast are flying all over the internet. I don't know how someone like Lindsay would even know about a show that came out when she was 3. The only role she's perfectly for is a hooker in fishnet stockings, selling her ass for some coke.