Willa Ford Will Play Anna Nicole Smith

Low rent singer Willa Ford has signed to star as Anna Nicole Smith in an indie biopic that will begin shooting next week.

Variety says: "The movie will cover Smith's life from age 17 until her death in February at 39, including her success as a Playboy centerfold, Guess model and actress, her marriage to billionaire oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II, the death of her son and her own death five months after giving birth to a baby girl, Dannielynn. "

If I ever die - which I probably won't - they better not cast some one hit wonder to play my biopic. I'm thinking somebody like Tom Hanks, but with bigger muscles. But I'm really not going to die. I found the fountain of youth in India. The elephants are probably pissed, because that's pretty much the only thing out there. And people with wood in their lips.

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And The Father Is..

According to DNA tests, it is now official that Larry Birkhead is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby.

In what could only be true love, Birkhead said:"I told you so! My baby's going to be coming home pretty soon."

Now maybe we can get some sleep and move on with our lives. This kid is like the golden egg. Speaking of eggs, I like chocolate eggs. And chocolate milk. And blowing bubbles in my chocolate milk. Oh, and masturbating on orphans with cancer. Whoa, I'm so provocative and edgy.

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Anna Nicole Smith Died From Drugs, Shocker

After what seems to be 7 years, the cause of Anna's death has finally come out. Thank you Dr. Perper, even if your name makes you sound like a child molester.

TMZ reports: "Anna did not take methadone the day she died, but there was evidence she had taken it several days earlier. Dr. Perper concluded was combined drug intoxication, including anxiety and depression medication, valium, ativan and antihistamine. She also had chloral hydrate, which was the major component in her death.None of the drugs in Anna's system were enough to kill her by themselves -- it was a lethal combo. The infected abscess in her buttock contributed. Dr. Perper says the death was accidental. It was not a suicide."

So I guess we waited around to find out what everyone already knew. The national enquirer knew this shit before the autopsy was finished. My mother could die and I'd lose interest in the story if it took this long to break.

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Anna Nicole Smith Is (Was) Bat Shit Insane

It's always interesting to see how people act in their own home - and if this video shows anything - it proves she was lucky to live as long as she did. While she was 8 months pregnant, she got high as a kite and pushed around a doll in a baby carriage. Wow, what a woman!

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