Jessica Simpson Is Dating John Mayer

Jessica Simpson, who has been linked to Jared Leto and Dane Cook, recently started dating John Mayer.

A source told People magazine: "She's tiptoeing back into the dating world. It's the first stage. She's never been happier."

I don't know how John Mayer closes on most of Hollywood's "it" girls, but I'm pretty sure it's Voodoo. When I'm having trouble getting a girl to like me - which usually never happens - I enlist the help of Papa Tambo, who is a wise Voodoo elder from Thailand. The only problem is he always wants me to pay him in talking kangaroo blood.

Educational note: mixing blood and sperm can easily pass for talking kangaroo blood.

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