WTF? Britney did a concert

Apparently Britney Spears did a short performance at the House of Blues in San Diego last night. She lip-synced songs like Baby One More Time and Toxic. Judging by these pictures, she looks like she could stop eating those boston cream donuts, and start doing some sit-ups. Or blow jobs. Because those feel good, baby!

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Bredan Fraser has no hair

I've seen kids with down syndrome kicked in the face that look better than this guy. I hear in Indian they drown babies that look like this guy.

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Scarlett Johansson can't sing

Luckily Scarlett is the hottest girl on the planet, because she can't sing for anything. I'm pretty sure the noise a burning panda bear makes sounds better. It's not like I would ever say it to her face, though. If this girl was standing next to me I'd try to jerk off through my pocket.

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Pete Doherty is getting implants

Kate Moss' fiance, 28 year old singer Peter Doherty, attended a Midlands clinic yesterday to receive a new implant to help beat drugs. "The implant, a pellet containing naltrexone, will be inserted under the skin of Pete's stomach." Kate Moss did not accompany Doherty, as she is due to appear today in Topshop's flagship store in London's Oxford Street to promote her new fashion line. Doherty brought his cat "Dinger" (slang for "syringe) and a litter of kittens with him. The cat "recently gave birth to five kittens, and the singer has apparently been taking them everywhere with him."

Jesus Christ. If I was the doctor performing this procedure on Pete Doherty, I'd wear a full body condom and about 8 of those face masks. Then, afterwards, I'd take a bath in peroxide and scrub myself with steel wool. Then, of course, I'd insist all the nurses did the same. That would be the safe thing to do. Or maybe I'd just grab a mop and say "no speaka de english" when Pete was admitted.

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